I Hate People

Interesting stuff can come out even from reading celebrity blogs

2012-02-15T23:42:00.005-08:00

what kind of stuff, will you ask?
Well, Patriarchy blaming stuff in the vein of Twisty the Mighty.

What happened?
what, you don't know Britney Spears has shaved her head and the world screeched to a halt, because, after all, there is no war, there is no poverty and therefore everyone and their mother needs to condemn that poor lost soul for having he audacity to resign from the blonde bombshell status.

Britney Spears, for those living under a rock, is a 20 something year old singer who used to make furors as teen idol and wank material for men of all social origins, until she had the audacity to get married and that is when the good ole'Pat showed its ugly double standarding face yet again.

You see, Britney Spears though she had the right to marry whoever the hell she wanted... and she married a guy who was not a star. While i am not one to butt into anyone's personal life, turns out that Pat ain't happy when wank objects start acting like real people, and therefore a shitload of ... shit has fallen onto her and her husband... the guy got accused of being a muncher on ehr money and so, because wouldn't you know, it's wrong for a man to marry a woman for her money ( women are not supposed to have money) but it is right for a young woman to marry an old man for his money.

Maybe they loved each other, maybe the sex was mindblowing, maybe she needed someone to just treat her like a real motherfucking person and not an airbrushed wankbot of the male fantasies worldwide... it's her problem.

She had 2 children with that guy. Pat should have bene happy, right?
NO
you see, wankbots are not supposed to have babies. You don't just take away million of men's wanking fodder and turn it into a mother, for fuck's sakes.

So in the end they divorced, and every fucking one expected poor britney to go back to being wank foidder, starve herself half to death and give some new material for wanking to the worldwide dude population.

But, but, she didn't!! the slut!!
She went out to party! She had fun!!
Rumours of her alleged bisexuality came out in press worldwide , like being bi is a bad thing. No comment.
Yeah, how dare this wankbot do something she likes and enjoys ( and not take pictures or videos of it) as opposed to something the worldwide confederation of wankers expects her to do?

And all the press started attacking her.
Yous ee, her partying is a bad thing. She has no right to party, she needs to get back in shape and start making soft porn videos again to make the worldwide wankers happy.

poor Britney

And... then she has the audacity to go out and shave her head.

And the world stopped.

Do I need to explain why?

Because shaving her head is the most Pat defiant act she could have thought of. maybe she saw the strongs and realised that nothign she will ever do will be good enough to keep these people happy.

Britney shaving her head- and she does look amazingly cute ( form this bi woman's POV) without hair means that she is no longer willing to be wank fodder.

I admire her for that.

foreigner

2012-02-15T23:42:00.003-08:00

one good thing happened to me today: I read in the Metro that the House of Lords decided that the term "foreigner" is xenophobic, and an insult.
Called to decide upon the case of a disabled man who followed three spanish women calling them "bloody foreigners" and yelling at them to "go back to your own country", the Lords have said hat "foreigner" is not just a word, it is an insult, it shows xenophobia, prejudice and hostility towards people like me.

And I am grateful.
I am happy that someone finally realised wht a loaded word that is, and how hurtful and unnaccepting it is.

Don't tell me it's just a word.

It's not

Foreigner= not from here. Its implication is also "not welcome here", "who doesn't belong here".

That word has always brougth me pain. It is rejection in a pure form, it's pain delivered with teh accuracy of an injection.
"Foreigner"= "you are not one of us. You do not belong here, and are not welcome. Go back to your own land"

A lot of meaning for only one word. A lot of pain.

I got it a lot at work. Being the only non british person( aside form a consultant, completely different status) in an all white department was a painful experience.

It hurt, and there was nothing I could do.
I am white, so people thought that I was ok to discriminate against and jab at. White, but not white enough. Not anymore.

I am an EU citizen now. I don't feel quite like a second class person anymore, maybe a first class and a half one. And the next person who calls me a foreigner is going to face the law.

oh lookie! Assholery!

2012-02-15T23:42:00.001-08:00

My What the hell is wrong with people continual amazement at life continues with... let's see if you guess... some more assholery. What else?

S, I went to see my GP yesterday over various stuff- heart problems. coping with cancer, depression, all this shit is falling hard on me like 10 tons of bricks and regardless of how hard my head is, sometimes the bricks win.

To my utter lack of luck, my GP, the otherwise palatable Dr Prasad, with whom I have a love hate relationship that, like most of the relationships I have with humans- seems to be hosling for some unfathomable reason- wasn't there, and I was blessed with dealing with the clinic head, the affably jovial asshole Dr Patel.

Dr Patel is, as his name shows him, the typical Uk doctor, namely born in the Indian subcontinent, dressed Euopean, expensive car, good practice. The wife is also born in the Indian subcontinent, but she stays at home, wears shalwar kameez... you get the picture. I have met her once at the practice, so I kinda knew what to expect from Dr patel.

And, he did not fail to provide me with eye rolling material.
Starting with:

" You are lucky that you didn't lose your hair, you are still pretty, people can't even tell you have cancer"
Me:
"Except for the continuous puking as soon as I swallow anything"

I mean, WTF? I am Sick as a motherfucking sick dog. I throw up everything I eat. If I walk for more than 10 minutes I come close to fainting. My stomach lining has gone to hell, my heart is playing up everyfucking single day and this guy thinks that the most important thing is that " I am still pretty?"

Fuck you very much Dr Patel

...
"But you have lost a lot of weight, this is good for you"
Me: " If I wanted to lose weight I would have done what everyone else does and get an Eating Disorder again"
....

I think I scared him.

Blog Against Sexism Day

2012-02-15T23:41:00.005-08:00

As luck would have it, just today I'm reading some Romanian News ( fucj you if you don't liek it) about how "some women" instead of acting with "grace, kindness and feminity" have decided -THE HORROR- to act like men, get into politics, live in the public stage, etc.

The writer of this dirt does not consider himself to be a misogynist, but then again no one does. I do have to wonder, is he that stupid as to not understand that all this "grace, kindness and feminity" is just bullshit perpetrated by the patriarchy, a lovely goldcage to keep the women locked in so that, Dog Forbid, they don't come out to scare the big sensitive macho men like this excuse of a human being who writes under the name of "Silviu Sergiu"?
(link here, but it's in romanian http://www.evz.ro/article.php?artid=295325)

Does someone need to explain this relic as to why traditional gender roles are bad for men and women? That expecting a woman to live only within that narrow niche and condemning those who don't is mysoginistic? That doing this on the day when in Romania it is cerebrated Mother's Day is not only a bad idea, but showing quite well what dephts of misoginy this guy has... and by reflection how much does the Romanian society have to go until the point where a woman in the public eye by herself is accepted for who she is and what she does and not for failing the patriarchal fantasies of guys like this?

Not that it is better in the West- see the flak Hillary Clinton is getting for basically being a politician.

I hate people.

and back with full force

2012-02-15T23:41:00.003-08:00

I have been away, all the way in my own head and life.
However, I am back.

in 2 months from tomorrow, I am going to be 32. It's been a hard yet enjoyable ride.

recently on a messageboard someone took one of my pics, published here at first tbh, from wacken last smmer, and kept reposting it in an attempt to make me feel... bad? ugly? unattractive? I don't know

because all i could see when looking at that pic was fun. I was with my friends, having fun at a festival, running around spraying people with beer from a super soaker. Did I care about how i looked? Nope. did my friends care? nope... because guess what: having friends and having fun and having a life it's a lot more important than looking good.

I like me. I won't be going around showing only pics of my good side, graciously posing in the most advantageous angle.
Fuck that.

I was called a bikerdyke... and that made me hapy.
hey, I am a biker. was. No bike now. And... I sleep with women. and men but that is irrelevant in this context. so?
that was supposed to be an insult?

some people, I swear.

In the mean time, guess what- I survived cancer, my heart is getting beter, life is back on track and i am in love with the most wonderful girl in the world.

and
as always
I
HATE
PEOPLE

one year later... musings on rape and life in general

2012-02-15T23:41:00.001-08:00

It's been a year since I was raped, yesterday. I know nothing more now about the guys who did it than I knew then, and by the looks of it, I never will.

Life has moved on. My life has moved on. The only way I had to deal with it was to put it behind me and keep going. The last year has been a radically shitty one.Yet, stuff happened. It was fun and hard and rather annoying and showing yet again that randomness is the main force in the Universe, and in my life. I got cancer, surgery for it, I travelled a lot, made new friends, cut unnecessary things from my life...

I moved on.
But most women can't.
A lot of women have to live with the nightmares and the PTSD and the fear, for years. I still get flashbacks I fight as hard as I can, but they are getting rarer, and I can control myself to the point where I know how to make them go away.

It's been a hard year. It hurt.
BUT
I'm still standing.

I have experienced the system in all its glory... and it sucks.

And funny how when a rape discussion is beign had , even amongst supposedly young and educated people the issue always turns to "women making false accusations" and nothing, not even the cold hard numbers showing how much of a non issue that is will sway people from it.
Why is that?
we know guys will sympathise with the rapist. It's as old as it gets, they will because the myth is so engrained and their own guilt and mysioginy is so deep that they have to do it. Otherwise they migth have to deal with the fact that not only there are rapes, but that most guys are probably a little bit if not full blown rapists anyway.

But why do women do it?

Monogamy- it's all about ownership

2012-02-15T23:40:00.001-08:00

Ok, first- bad stuff is going on and today it's an awful day. But that's not something I am willing to share.
I want however to talk about monogamy.
I have been monogamous and I have been poly and pretty much everything in between. Me also being a feminist, this has caused me a lot of thinking on the issue of monogamy and the "why does it make me uncomfortable".
Someone rather special to me has something on their blog about it

It's irrational to expect monogamy of the lady while the lord engages in
polygamy; that behavior compels the lady to do the same. Which is kind of fun -
if they don't love each other. Real love is more fun.

For what is worth, I think my friend has learned a couple of things since the above phrase has been written. But I will take issue with that phrase right now- and regardless how much I care for the person who wrote it, I have a need to address it.
Love is not about ownership. If you need to own someone in order to love them , or if your love manifests as such- you have a problem. Insecurity? I would probably go with it, but there is also the issue of social pressure, after all monogamy is the default option under this flavour of Patriarchy.
Yes, it makes sense to say " I want you to be mine and only mine, and I'll be yours and only yours"... but at the end of the day, they don't call them "possessives" for nothing.
I don't want to be owned. I do not want to belong to someone even if that person would give themselves to me totally. I do not want someone to have sex with me because I am the only option they have, or because looking for someone else would be inconvenient ( as in break the relationship).
Love does not equal sex. If you conflate the two all you'll get is a shitload of mixed feelings and in taking one for another you will lose yourself. If you need to own someone to be happy? that's a pretty good sign that you know fuck all about love, and fuck all about themselves either.
I will be with someone because I love that someone. I might choose monogamy , or temporary monogamy, because that person is the best I could find and I desire nothing more. I expect the same in return.
maybe it is because if I love someone, I love that someone for who they are. And that has nothing to do with the body. Loving someone for their body is... sad. Bodies fade and decay with age or illness. Does that give us the right to look for another body to love?
It doesn't. Because love is not about the body. It is not about owning someone. It's about that which we cannot touch and we call soul.
Sex is a different thing. If we remove the taboos the society has placed upon it, we'll find that it is JUST a physical need. Would you feel uncomfortable if I chose to eat dinner with someone else? With a friend?
If you would, that is what I call having mental issues. Insecurity is to be expected- to a point- we live under the Patriarchy after all. BUT
If you can't trust someone you love- how can you love them?
Yes, eating at home with the person you love is the best. But habit makes even the most wonderful thing seem trite. Somtimes you might want a hamburger.
Be with me because I am the best you can get not because I am the only thing you can get without trouble.
However, let us look at monogamy from a societal POV.
What will we find out?
That monogamy is slavery for women. Institutionalized. It's the easiest way for a male to secure access to sex and progeny without doing half of the work required for it. Who does most of the work to raise kids and maintain a household? The woman , in most cases.
What happens if there is no such thing as monogamy? A lot of males will go without sex and/pr progeny. There would be a real competition for the females, having as a result that males will have to make more effort into being, you know, good partners.
Of course people are afraid of monogamy. Everyone is afraid of competition. But competition creates progress and development. Monogamy has too much of "ownership" in it for me to be comfortable with it.

why thank you ;)

2012-02-04T23:31:00.000-08:00

Now I note with deep pleasure that there are people that seem to be bothered by this'ere blog. I thank them kindly for the linkage.

or a more verbal kind of unintentional humor, we can look at the teen angst
in the blog "I Hate People".
Tell me, how would you even begin to parody this gang? This particular blogger
would make a great columnist for The Onion,
since she is essentially Jean
Teasdale who has undergone some radical feminist brainwashing. (Probably
looks about the same too, based on her self-description.) For example, look at
the posts "transsexuality...
and my look at it", "abuse" or "how
to not be racist and/or xenophobe". How hard they would be edit a bit to
Jean Teasdale style?

I am going to take this the way the author of the above words did not intend me to, and be flattered. Firstly because I like Jean Teasdale, and secondly because only someone very out of touch with reality would actually believe that my humour is unintentional, but I digress.

"teen angst"... ouch that hurts. NOT... since I have heard it all before, and it is laughable.
A columnist at "The Onion"... you don't say...
I swear to Dog, I am flattered.
Some people... this guy was bent on insulting me and managed to not only make my day but actually compliment me... I see that he does not quite shy away from assuming things about my appearance... like that is in any way supposed to be relevant to any discussion, but my chuckles make me digress again.
male entitlement in its purest form? yes siree... and with sugar on top.

Now I do have a problem with the last phrase because although I am fluent in English, this makes no sense to me

How hard they would be edit a bit to Jean Teasdale style?

What in the holy name of fuck is that supposed to mean???

*crickets*

Anyway, since folk continue to be bewildered as to what I might look like, I solemnly swear to publish some pics after returning from my weekend. Which weekend shall be spent first going up to Bradford for the Bolt Thrower show and collecting the SO henceforth to be known as Mr Metalhead for the purpose of this'ere blog, then going down to London , then flying back to the city of my dreams ( Stuttgart, the capitol of the loveliest place on earth, Baden Wuerttemberg) for the purpose of attending the Keep It True festival, meeting up with friends and general mayhem. After which we will return home for a long time of erm productive activities . Which should not be confused with productive fucking...because fucking is not something that should be productive

And, as promised, I will venture to put a face to my name and reputation. keep an eye on this space.

PS: i you want to parody me, shoudl you not be at least witty??? Some people....sheesh

This hurts

2012-01-06T15:29:00.000-08:00

This hurts

Most women have to deal with “feminine problems” once a month, when auntie flo comes to town. Not me. I am special. First and foremost, I get the ovulation pains. My ovary ( the one that is laying the egg) swells to the proportions of a football ball, and it hurts. It fucking hurts like hell for two days. Add severe bloating, sleeplessness and the mother of all constipations, and that is the two fertile days of my cycle. Needless to say, that is what contraception is about because you can’t have sex if you are in unbearable pain. Now can you??
After that, thing pretty much normalize until the actual period. And that is when the fun starts.
Yay, I have a built in contraceptive, and this one does not fail. Ever.

Which is good. Because I am a woman and I deserve to be hurt, right?
I mean, what’s a little pain??

Well, at least it will prevent me from breeding, so there.

However, this is not what this post is about.

A year ago I was reading about a promotional campaign in Romania. One that was trying to get the pregnant women to get genetic tests in order to check whether their impending arrival will be healthy or not.

The ad showed a woman who had a handicapped baby in a stroller. Wherever she went, people were turning their backs at her. She lodges the stroller on the stairs all the way to the 10th floor, and all doors close in her face. She finally gets to her door- and it’s a prison cell’s door.

The message was “don’t turn your life into a prison”.
Now, it is needless to say that a lot of assholes have protested this ad. Apparently, it mocks the lives of the handicapped. It is a nazi thing to do. Mentally impaired children have lives too, and they have value and all that shit.

No one said anything about the woman. This ad was about the woman, wasn’t it?? About her life. But no one touched that issue. Who cares about the woman, anyway??

Because whether we choose to agree or not, as far as the woman’s life goes, the ad is right. A woman who gives birth to a handicapped child will never be free. She will never have her life back again. She will be painfully judged by those around her for being somehow responsible for having birthed an ill child. Maybe people will say that she must have been drinking whilst pregnant. Maybe they will say that she tried to abort the child and misfired.

She will have to deal with the hatred of the husband’s or partner’s family, because having a handicapped child could never be because of the man. It’s never his fault. The man never has a defective, recessive or homozygotic gene. The man never has anything to do with the pregnancy.

Maybe the man will decide to kill the child and put it out of its misery. Maybe he will decide to start beating the mother because she somehow failed him by delivering a bad product.

Because that is what this is all about- a bad product. The damn woman did not do her job.

My question is this:Why would a woman want to deliver to term a baby that she knows is handicapped? That will never have a normal life?? That will be a burden on her for the rest of her days??

Let's see.
Biologically speaking, we are supposed to breed. We are supposed to create little tiny monkeylike things that will grow up and boink boink and have little baby monkeys of their own.

But what happens if you have a tiny monkey that cannot breed, or live independently?
In nature, that little monkey will die fast. Nature is a heartless bitch, and she does not like waste.
In human society however, it's the other way around. Blobs of cells with translucent skin and deformed internal organs are kept alive and considered miracles, depite the fact that they will be sick and in pain for most of their lives. Little tiny monkey that will never be able to feed themselves are kept alive and paraded and cost loads of money and time and energy.
And who will the costs fall on??
The mother.

anorexia genetic? nah

2011-12-03T23:29:00.000-08:00

"The new study was done by researchers at University of North Carolina and Sweden's Karolinkska Institute, and according the Associated Press, it "looked at a Swedish registry of 31,406 twins -- both identical and fraternal...Anorexia was more prevalent between identicals, and statistical analysis led to the scientists' conclusion that 56 percent of the liability for developing anorexia is due to genetics, with environmental factors determining the rest."

Not buying. The data is not strong enough to back any conclusion as such, and frankly this does not in any way account for something that can be explaining WHY this is happening, like the fact that identical (separated) twins have been shown in countless occasions to take similar life paths. Are they gonna tell me that two twin brother that married women with the same name did that because they had a gene that ordered them to??

We do not yet know if our genetic makeup affects one's behaviour.

Second: if no lab tests have been made, how can they be so sure about even what percentage of the people's behaviour this would affect??
Let me get this straight:

1. No lab tests have been made.
2. There is no actual scientifically obtained evidence for this but a bunch of numbers.
3. There is no actual proof that genetic makeup affects one's behaviour.

let's see what one of the guys involved in this say

Michael Strober, a clinical psychologist at the University of California at
Los Angeles and editor of the International Journal of Eating Disorders, said
conventional wisdom is that genetic factors do play a role in
susceptibility.

Conventional wisdom?? Excuse me?? As in "we don't really know that this is true but we're winging it with shiny words"??

So...we have a conclusion based on nothing that can be proven, just some numbers.
On any planet, this would be a point of starting.
HOWEVER, this is being presented as a completed study, with its conclusion...

hm

I have noted that there has been a tendence lately to explain away anorexia as all sorts of things, from comparing it to alcoholism and other addictive afflictions to this.

One wonders why
No I fucking don't. From the moment I started reading this shit, I knew the why.

These are attempts to prove that anorexia is not a recent disease. Despite the fact that there is no evidence of anorexia ever having existed before the 20th century.

There is a common theory amongst mental health specialists and sociologues that anorexia is a result of the mass media campaign of the latest decades to impose upon the public consciousness a skeletal archetypal beauty.

Now, everyone knows that the-promoting-skeletons-as-beauty-archetypes industry makes a lot of money. As such, it has to defend its own existence in order to make more profits. Therefore, rumours that anorexia might be a result of their bottomline are bad and need to be fought.

Now wo is this Dr Cynthia Bulik who apparently ran this study??

A google search shows this

Healthy weight control 6-week workshop only at the triangle sportsplex by dr. cynthia bulik
Do you always seem to be on a diet?
Are you not pleased with your weight, shape or body in general?
If you answered yes, you're not alone!
The Empower Plan for Healthy Weight Control
workshop series is for you!
The 6-week series begins on Wednesday, March 15th from 5:30pm-6:30pm and will meet every Wednesday for 6 weeks.
During the 6-weeks, Dr. Bulik and Victoria Petrilli, RD, LDN will thoroughly go over Dr. Bulik's groundbreaking patient-tested book and interactive CD-ROM that will teach you:
How to eat on time and in time
How to identify your triggers for unhealthy eating
Permanent healthy nutrition (say goodbye to fad diets)
Myths about mid-life weight gain and how to overcome mid-life weight gain
Practical strategies for maintaining a healthy lifestyle
www.trianglesportsplex.com/

Ahem.... Dr Bulik is involved herself in the weightloss industry???

did you hear that? there is her credibility breaking into pieces.
MORE

http://www.allbookstores.com/author/Cynthia_Bulik.html

She has a book called Runaway eating.
Runaway Eating : The 8-point Plan To Conquer Adult Food And Weight Obsessions by Nadine Taylor, CYNTHIA BULIK

Let me get this straight

This woman is a psychiatrist who has her hands deep in the weight loss industry. However, the study that she presides is marketed as a genetic study, but no name of genetics specialist are given. She is knee deep in the weightloss industry herself, and she is leading a study whose hidden aim is to prove that there is no link between the skeletal beauty industry and anorexia...

Someone has put the wolf in charge of finding out why sheep die.

walking around with a big stupid smile on my face

2011-11-12T15:28:00.000-08:00

that will explain the pause in blogging. I have a non stop smile on my face, could not concentrate to save my own life.
Hopefully this is not what i think it is. I have had enough trouble already as it is.

back to blogging...

2011-10-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

I swear, peoplehating should be an approved job. I know, I have been lazying on the job and now all the fucking world events are awaiting for me to get to them, but for fucks's sakes, people, I am busy and I also have other things to do aside from server tweaking and bitching at the Universe.
Amen.
this post was supposed to be about the politics of fat, but my thought train got derailed. Call it ADHD, combined with biological spring alert ( see the previous post) and such. The post I am planning for the second Big fat Carnival will have to be posted later today.

I see that the frigid wing of the wingnuttia is coming forth to try and ban birth control.
More details here, as I will not repeat them http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/03/20/anti_contraception/index.html

What is funny about it??

1. The Catholic Church should have gone the way of the dinosaurs a long time ago. Do I even fucking need to make a list as to the whys of it?? The hypocrisy? The millions of deaths owed to their schewed view of the world? the failure to stand up to the nazi Germany?

2. The person this particular material is about fails to mention whether she has children or whether she is married. Don't get me wrong, I do not care anyway. However, if you ARE a wingnut and try to take rights away from other women, you better practice what you preach.
As such, it seems obvious that, should she be a woman with a marriage and kids, she would use these for cred purposes. She does not therefore, I smell one very frustrated spinster who is trying to change the world for other women and ruin it, because basically she is too stupid and/or stuck up to get fucked and enjoy it. The "I don't like it so you should not have it" policy , in all its glory or lack thereof.

3. The fake facts. I won't even get into this.

For what is worth, I don't use any chemical contraception. When practicing PIV sex, I put my trust in the ole trusty condoms ( keyword: when- there is a lot more to sex than that). But I want contraception to be available to all the rest of the women.
Why?
Well, in the words of someone smarter than me ( ouch)
"if you can separate sex from procreation, you have given women the ability to participate in society on an equal basis with men."
The anti choice movement has nothing to do with protecting foetuses. It has everything to do with stopping women from wanting to be equal with men.
Are these the death throes of the patriarchy? We all know that cornered animals fight harder.

continuous smiling

2011-09-10T15:27:00.000-07:00

I still have the big fucking smile on my face. I am losing all credibility as a mean person, I have only threatened one co worker with limb breaking today AND apparently I still look happy - and cannot wipe the grin off of my face, which makes talking on the fucking phone difficult.

Except for one thing.
Due to the continuous texting and calling fro and fro yours truly and Mr Metalhead, the Blackberry's adaptor has met its early demise today. It fucking stinks like something has died and burned in there, which means that I will have no texts until the new one arrives. Argh.
No, I have no intention whatsoever of giving you details, you fucking voyeurs.

fight back

2011-08-13T15:27:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to this- Jane Doe, the victim of the horrendous rape and even more horrendous trial, will be suing Heidl's father and the attorney (* fucking sleazebag Cavallero) for emotional damages. Now, everyone on the face of the planet who cares one bit about women's rights is already quite femiliar with the circumstances, and the outcome. If you aren't, that's a fairly good sign that you should not be here.
For a long time, rape was and still is the least prosecuted of crimes. One of the reason for that was the fact that teh defense attorneys have been for years allowed to get away with all sorts of trash talking about the victims, and the juries ate it with the big spoon. Something about the juries being predominantely male, and their perceived entitlement to any woman, and who the hell was that slut think she is anyway?
Jane Doe is a hero. This has been said before. I will repeat it to high heaven.
If, as a result of this lawsuit manages to demolish the defense stalker's right to emotionally kill the victim again. Long will be the culture of fear that surrounds rape and shuts so many women into a shivering fear.
Way to go, jane Doe

abuse

2011-07-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

It is known that women who have been emotionally ( and sexually as the case might be) abused in childhood mot of the times find themselves caught in a cycle that repeats the pattern of abuse. To note that men who have been abused as children become abusers, but I digress.

Aas I have posted this before, I was raped by one of my teachers when I was 8. I have a very vivid memory of it, which has not faded with the years. I also had a very abusive family life, with my father beating the hell out of my mother and myself on an at least twice weekly basis.

When my father passed away from cyrrhosis (too much drinking will do that to you), I was 12. Immediately after that, my mother was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. The years spent with my father had damaged her mind, permanently.
But about this, some other time.

I have been lately reading through the blogs of a lot of wonderful ladies, (Biting Beaver, Certifiable Princess)who have chosen to talk about their own experiences through the net in order to help everyone willing to put his/her mind to it understand the horrible thing that abuse is for women.

Abuse is a disease. Emotional abuse is a crime as big as murder.
No,I am not exaggerating. No I don't mean "daddy did not buy me a barbie so he abused me". I am talking about the real abuse.

Abuse is a power thing.
For men, it is a power trip- they draw their power from humiliating women and controlling them. Most of the abusers are control freaks and very skilled manipulators.
Abuse consists from the abuser continuously subminating and ruining the abused's self worth and free will for the purpose of replacing the abused's free will with teh desires of the abused.
By undermining the abused's self confidence and free will, the abused becomes a slave to the abused as she is no longer capable to have any independent existence outside of the abuse setting. The abuser gets the rush of power and control over anotehr human being.

What makes abuse as ellusive as it is widespread is the fact that the main feeling inside the abused woman's mind is guilt. She is spending most of her existence trying to hide the abuse from the rest of the world, and in such she places herself out of the reach ohf help.

It is the ultimate goal and achievement of any skilled abuser to get his victim to protect him at the cost of her own well being. It happens very often, yet nobody sees it.

The sociaty never recognizes abuse as what it is. Seeing that teh society is a patriarchy and most of these abusers are males, the society , who is in its core based on teh abuse of women by men, will go to great extents to protect its own core.

Back to my story: my father wanted a boy. I was not, and my motehr could not give him another child after me.
I was called an "useless cunt" by my father for all my life. My first memories, before age 2, are of him calling me and my mother "useless cunts" and beating the hell out of her.
He used to beat the hell out of me too, for various things, but those are at the back of my mind.

One night will stay with me forever until the day I die. I was about 8, ( funny enough it was very very soon after I was raped) and we were at the wedding of one of my cousins. Everybody was having a blast, and my father was very drunk. The wedding was in anotehr town, and being that he was horrenduously drunk, he decided he wanted to go home right the fuck now, so my motehr dragged me out of the wedding and we followed him. We walked to where our car was parked, and my mother was trying to convince him to not drive at night because the drive is long and dangerous even in daytime. I was ahead of them, trying to get to my aunt's place that was nearby.
Then I heard a scream, and I turned to see my mother fallen on the ground. My fatehr was kicking her mercilessly in the head and stomach.

I cried. I went to get my aunt. Police was called.
When the Police came, I told them all that happened. My mother however dismissed it said I must have not seen well, said that he only hit her once and that it was no biggie. She had a cut on her temple and blood was flowing down her cheek, but the policeman could not do anything if she did not want to press charges. The policeman kept asking her to press charges and that she should not stay with a man like this. To no avail, although he spent 3 hours trying to convince her to press charges and put the asshole in jail.
He was a nice man, that Policeman.

What hurt me was the fact that my aunt and the rest of the family were far more busy to quiet me down than to do anything about all this. The next day we all went home, and life continued.
Like nothing happened.

It wa sthen that I knew that women are slaves. I was sitting in my bed at night thinking that women should be not treated like this. I was angry, and sad and I hated my father for being an asshole and my mother for not putting him in jail.

Year later, I found myself in my first abusive relationship. My boyfriend at the time, Marius, was an ok person by day. When he was drinking, one day he hit me. I was scared. I went to hide in the kitchen. He came after me, and begged forgiveness.
It repeated itself. I was ashamed and hiding it. He never really hit me hard, but it was there and it lasted for some 2 months.

At the time, I was a student and working. WE had a small tiny flat on the edge of Bucharest.
I was in the tram, when it hit me.
I was turning into my mother.

I went home and packed my stuff and left immediately.

I hated myself for months afterwards. How could I do this to myself? What was wrong with me?
What was wrong with em was that I had no self esteem. I did think of myself as an useless cunt, and as such I was an easy prey. Abusers smell weakness on a woman. They smell the victim's blood and home on it like sharks.

I kept myself out of the abuse cycle for some years, by means of staying single and working on myself like you'd work on a project. I was learning what was wrong with me. I was trying to repair the damage.

I emigrated. I had a bad relationship ( not abusive, just bad) and whilst on the rebound I got married. We moved to England immediately after that.
My husband was a decent person. I could tolerate him, but... there was just this permamnet feeling of insatisfaction. He was also a cheapskate of the worse kind.
WE argued about all sorts of things. Once, he got angry and hit me. then he fell down and had something very similar to an epilepsy attack. When he came through, he claimed that he could not remember a thing.

It was his tactic. He would hit me, then claim that he did not remember.
The day when I hit back, he called the police and made a complain that I attacked. I told the policemen about the whole year when he abused me, but they believed him and not me.

In the end, we got a divorce. I had to blackmail it out of him by threatening to tell his parents that he was gay. He only agreed to the divorce under the pretext that I had cheated on him, and I went along with it. I wanted my freedom.

I got it. After the divorce he tried to be my friend, which was scary...

I am sitting now on the brink of another relationship. I am scared.
this man... I think I am falling in love with him, and that is scaring the hell out of me. he's sweet. He's kind. He makes me smile and laugh, and this scares me.
Maybe I am damaged goods. Maybe I will never be able to trust anyone fully. Maybe I am setting myself up for failure yet again.

I don't know what the hell it's gonna happen.

The best marriage in the world is the one between the banker and the bishop

2011-06-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

This is a quote from an American writer that most people don't know much about, by the name of Thornton Wilder. I don't know VERY much about him myself aside from one of his books, by name of "The Eighth Day" , that I have read forabout 20 times and who is still (in Romanian version) one of my most favoritest of books.

Another pearls from it include this : "Is it bad, no, is it wrong to be born a girl?"

Remarkable book, from the beginning of the XXth century. I wish Mr Wilder was still alive now, he would have been a feminist man.

Now, it is fairly known by the readers of this'ere blog that yours truly is many things, but a religious animal tis not.

AS such, throw a stone at any organized religion, and I'll see that and raise you ten.
Do not get me wrong. I am willing to respect your beliefs, for as long as :
1. You are willing to respect everyone else's
2. You don't do anything to impose your values on me or anyone else.

Once you do that, you are fair game.

OK... next

I mentioned in the previous blog entry something about Certifiable Princess. I don't know this woman. I may never will, unless she ever gets to England in which case I want to hug her and tell her how much I admire her.
Go read this.
I mean it.

things will get done whenever i feel like it

2011-06-09T15:22:00.000-07:00

that is one of the advantages of being FUCKING SINGLE and loving it.

I get to work on my business as much as I want and need to.
No one has demands over my time and attention
I do whatever the fuck I feel like
I wear whatever the fuck I feel like
I get to do all of my reading and to study.

Life is good. I ike myself, and my own company is the best company I know of. IO strongly believe that people who need company do not really feel comfortable with themselves.
Aboyut a year ago, I had a work colleague I did not like, and the feelign was mutual. I did not like her because she was lazy, shallow and loud. The kind of person who says things like "I think 22 is a great age to get married", because, guess what, she was 22 and was about to get married to a guy she had met 3 months before.
One day on lunch, none of the ususal companions were around, so she decided to come and eat in my office (shared with two of the above named companions). I will pass on the fact that the fucking casserole she had for lunch was stinking, and that it's very fucking rude to just go into someone else's office and offend them with the stench of your poison food. What really caught my attention was the fact that she was trying to talk to me, despite knowing full well what I thougth about her.
Ad then it hit me, this person is so insecure that she cannot stand being alone with herself. She would rather talk to someone she hated just to avoid that.
No, I did not tell her to fuck off. The realization of the real motivations behind her behavious was far too satisfying in itself.

Yugoslavia

2011-05-07T15:23:00.000-07:00

My country is bordering the ex Yugoslavia. The Serbs have been our allies for the past 800 years. We have Serbs in Romania, and Romanians in Serbia.
Yugoslavia was a makeshift state , created from the remains of the old Austro Hungarian empire in 1918. Small little areas who were terrified to be small countries in a reborn and war scarred Europe, who decided to work together. A good idea, right? Until Tito.
Tito was croatian. Despite him being supposed to be a non stalinist communict, and Yugoslavia being the paradise of the Warsaw Pact, he decided to apply with a lot of success the tactics that Stalin had used to break resistence: just move big masses of people around, cut them off from their roots and leave them to sort it out, they will be too busy doin that to ever consider revolting.
The Kosovo area is the birthplace of the Serbian nation. Imagine that someone would dump a big load of ... I don't know , you decide your least favourite ethnic group, and they dumped it to live in your nation's most sacred of places. At Kossovopolje, in 1390 (or around that date), The Ottoman Turks defeated the army of the Serbian Kneaz Dusan and set their foot first solidly in the north of the Balcan peninsula.
Now imagine yourself being a Serbian in 1990. It's pretty similar to being a German in 1930. You are poor (unlike the rest of the Communist countries, Serbs were not poor, they lives well in a makeshift capitalism that held for 4 decades). Your economy is crumbling. You finally ahve the right to be nationalist. You think yourself a patriot.Enter MIlosevici, a politician of the old Stalinist formation and schooling, who wanted to exploit the nationalism.Add restless minorities.
The result was the horrible horrible mess that we saw over the 1990's and after that.Humans are really stupid people, and should be treated as such.
I am a patriot. I love my country. I respect its tradition, its history and its past. I am proud that in 2000 years, no one has ever managed to wipe the Romanian states out of existence. I am proud that we are from here, that we survided the ROman invasion, and we assimilated the invaders, that after 500 years of almost yearly invasion, in Eastern Europe we still speak a Latin language.
I can, as such, at least attempt to understand how the Serbs felt.
I was also one of the people that protested the bombing of the civilian Serbian churches on easter night 1999. That was wrong, and America paid for it in 2001. Never kill civilians, it always comes back at you.
Nationalism is a poison. Or can be. I prayed all of the nineties that what happened in Serbia would not drip into Romania. We have big minorities here as well, 3 million HUngarians,maybe a million gipsies.It could have happened to my country too.
Yugoslava had the demise that was probably going to happen to the Soviet Union if Gorbaciov did not bring the perestroika first. Gorbaciov was a fucking hero.
I remember one day, in 1999. I was in Bucharest drinking a coffee in a post office, trying to call my mother. Two serbian men came into the post office. they looked poor. They had refugees written on their weary faces.They were trying to get a call trough to their village. The operator kept trying. It was the Monday after that Easter in 1999. In the end, the operator told them that she could not put any calls trough, that the village they were trying to call was affected by the bombings and there were no phone lines.
I will never forget their faces.
I am not making excuses for the war. Any war. It's just... those poor people.I wish I could resurrect Milosevici... so I can put him to a slow and painful death involving nails and salt and being flayed alive.

lack of hot water

2011-03-11T15:23:00.000-08:00

ok, this is serious: I have not had any hot water in my flat for a week. I turned the boiler off one night and in the morning it refused to work. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
Which means boiling water in the kettle to wash, washing up in ice cold freezng water, wahing clothes ( by hand) in ice cold freezing water...

But you know what? It bothers me. That is where the problem is. It bothers me, and I am used to this kind of situation.
I am from Romania, hot water has been a rare and much appreciated surprise most of my life.
I am used to cold water.
Or at least I used to be. Am I becoming spoiled?? Heeeeeeeeeelp!

In other news, Salon are talking shit again:

They are comparing the newly elected leader of the british Conservative Party, David Cameron, an otherwise OK guy for a Conservative, with GWB.

Now, I am fully aware that Salon is a compendium of very god shit and very ad shit rolled together in a big mess ( that reminds me of my flat), but puh-leaze!!!!!!

Now, I do not know who Sidney Blumental is, ad by the looks of it I don't.
Because this guy is a moron.

Britain's Bush clone
New Tory leader David Cameron is imitating Bush's
campaign -- even claiming to be a "compassionate conservative."
By Sidney
Blumenthal
Print EmailFont: S / S+ / S++
Photos by AP/WideWorld
David Cameron, left, and
President George W. Bush, in a Salon photo composite.
Dec. 15, 2005 At the
low point of his presidency, after a disastrous first year of his second term,
his domestic programs out of favor and his foreign policy out of strategy,
George W. Bush has at last attracted an imitator. David Cameron, 39, the new
leader of Britain's Conservative Party, a fresh face without wear and tear,
unabashedly claims to be the future. "You were the future once," he said to
Prime Minister Tony Blair in his first appearance as Tory leader at "Prime Ministers Question Time" in the
House of Commons Dec. 7.
The Tories elected the untested, youthful Cameron
this month to head their party after two electoral defeats and three failed
leaders. He is of aristocratic lineage, related by bloodline to the royal
family, is Eton and Oxford educated, and represents one of the safest Tory
districts in the country, Oxfordshire. At university he belonged to a private
club of wealthy, well-born members known for hard drinking and "Lord of the
Flies"-like behavior. Questioned about his past drug use, he responded that he
had a "normal university experience" and that everyone is entitled to "err and
stray" before maturity. He has a pregnant wife (also an aristocrat, related to
King Charles II) and two children, one of whom has cerebral palsy.
In the
Conservative Party conference speech this year that galvanized the Tories to
make him leader, Cameron said he wanted young people to "feel good about being
Conservatives again ... I want to switch on a whole new generation." He speaks
of "social justice" and the need for the Conservatives to alter some of their
policies. Cameron, who has been a member of Parliament for only four years, says
he's "fed up with the Punch and Judy politics of
Westminster."

Almost
certainly, in a future election, he would go head-to-head against Gordon Brown,
now chancellor of the Exchequer. Brown has compiled an impressive record in
guiding the British economy. He and Blair have been locked into a long
partnership as leaders of the Labor Party that is also a rivalry for primacy.
Brown is a deeper intellect, a brooding Scotsman, and lacks Blair's natural
optimism and ability at the quick tactical maneuver. Brown has more affinity
with the Labor rank and file, often disagreeing with Blair even as he pledges to
continue in Blair's path.
Cameron seems to embrace aspects of Blair's
policies so as to present himself as a Blairite without the burdens of having
been Blair, as a "reformer" without a past. His implied promise is to conserve
Blair's achievements and continue some version of their logic, at the same time
casting doubt on the commitment of Blair's rivals and critics within his party.
Cameron decries partisan outbursts from the opposition bench, lifting himself
above politics. He proclaims himself a contemporary, willing to accept change,
compassionate, unafraid of surrounding himself with professional women. He is
New Labor without Labor, just New. But the strategy is not new; it is adapted
from the playbook of Bush's 2000 campaign.

Bush
confronted a popular two-term Democratic president who had fended off Republican
assaults and was credited with bringing peace and prosperity. Republican
positions on domestic policy were almost uniformly unpopular. Bill Clinton's
vice president, Al Gore, was his natural successor.
As governor of Texas,
Bush turned his inexperience in national government into a virtue -- he was
outside the fray and free of its rancor. The Republicans had shut down the
federal government twice and impeached Clinton. Bush promised to "change the
tone in Washington." He repeated endlessly that he was "a uniter, not a
divider."
It was Bush who first assumed the mantle of "compassionate
conservatism." He picked a fight with the draconian Republican House majority
leader, Tom DeLay, who was against Clinton's program of tax-credit payments to
the working poor. Bush said the Republican Congress should not "balance the
budget on the backs of the poor." He also distanced himself from some of his own
party's positions on social issues, saying that Republicans had too often
portrayed "America as slouching toward Gomorrah." And he gave a speech declaring
that his party had too often confused the "need of limited government with a
disdain for government itself."
Bush appeared to reject the right wing's
economic hard line, instead emphasizing issues associated with the Democrats,
such as education. It was essential for him to try to erase Democratic
management of the economy from the campaign. Under Clinton, 22 million jobs were
created, poverty was reduced by one-quarter, the longest expansion in the
nation's history was still proceeding and the greatest budget deficit had been
replaced by the greatest budget surplus. Bush sought to foster the notion that
none of this had happened as a result of difficult policy decisions, and that
the economy ran on automatic pilot. "Of course we want growth and vigor in our
economy," he said. "But too often there are human problems that persist in the
shadow of affluence. And the strongest argument for conservative ideals ... is
that they lead to greater justice, less suffering and more opportunity."
Bush encouraged punditry that he represented a "Fourth Way," a variation on
Clinton's "Third Way," and that he would reform his party. Even the liberal
editorial page of the New York Times accepted his premise. "The Republicans in
Congress ... have a lot to learn from Governor Bush," the newspaper wrote in
praise.
Bush's press conference to announce he would not answer questions
about his past drug use and alcoholism made him an empathetic figure of his
generation in contrast with traditional Republican troglodytes. And the attacks
on Bush for being shallow, simplistic and ignorant only contributed to the image
of the scion as a man of the people.
In order to shift discussion away from
the merits of his proposals, which were not generally accepted, Bush strained to
make the election a contest of personalities. Gore was painted as hopelessly
dour, dull and dutiful. His mastery of policy was turned into an object of
derision, a nerdy quirk, and the press incited to join in the fun. Before the
debates, the formidable Gore was depicted as mean, nasty and unfair, a gambit to
insulate Bush from actual public dislike of his platform. Gore finally took the
bait and tried to demonstrate his niceness by agreeing with the nice Bush.
Clinton had advised relentlessly that Gore draw the sharpest possible
differences on policy, but was ignored, and nearly tore his hair out.
Once
in office, a closed, harsh and ideological president replaced the seemingly
open-minded, tolerant and pragmatic candidate. But the palimpsest of the earlier
Bush remained to be discovered by David Cameron as a map to political fortune.
Cameron's profession in his first speech as party leader to be a true
"compassionate conservative" is Step 1.

Why is this guy a moron?
Because he actually treats Bush asd a guy who won the American elections on his own platform. Mt Blumenthal, you are an idiot, or have been living under a rock for the past 5 years.
Bush did not win the American elections, he has stolen them. His so called platform had nothing to do with it. He is a rich daddy's boy whose family bought the presidency for him.
I don't even like British conservatives, but I am sick and tired of having the moronic part of Salon assuming that Britain= USA.
It's not the same fucking thing, people!
Cameron is a member of the British Parliament. Elected one, you dumb SOB. He is not:

a rich boy with a history of failed business ventures
a drunkard and drug addict cum born again zealot ( I would like tyo apologize to the zealots of Heroes Of Might and Magic for this. The Zealots are lovely creatures, very strong and a pleasure to have in one's army. They also have cute blue robes).
a guy who has cheated all his life.

Just because Cameron has actually used the phrase "Compassionate Conservative" does not make him a Bush Clone. However, it makes Mr Blumenthal a sorry ignorant ass and a pathetic excuse of a journalist.

stupidity alert

2011-02-12T15:21:00.000-08:00

www.wholwsomewear.com

This is something that the lovely Echidne of the Snakes has brought to the world's attention.
I canot begin to explain how idiotic this thing is, insluding the fact that women have a better chane to drown in so many fucking layers, you dumb bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy consumerism

2011-01-07T23:21:00.000-08:00

ok, I am not a Christian. The Christian religion is better off for it and so am I. I don't have a family I care about, and only a few friends. But I have splashed quite a lot this Christmas... on myself.
As in the most important member of my world :) so my self got pretty boots, a new leather coat that should arrive any day now, books, a Blackberry and some other shit.
Now, all those who know me can testify that fashionable I AM NOT. I HAVE BEEN WEARING THE SAME (MORE OR LESS) OUTFIT SINCE ABOUT 1994, AND i HAVE NO INTENTION TO CHANGE IT.
I wear tall sturdy biker or cowboy boots. I wear tight jeans because baggy clothes are ugly- I don't really like looking like a bag of potatoes.
I am not a size 0 american, nor a size 8 English.
Nor do I want to be.
I like myself.
I am veggie becase I want to be. I wear leather because I like leather.
I don't read stupid magazines (girlie shit) nor watch TV.
I like to read and learn stuff.
I do not like stupid people.
I am not polite.
I have been called many things. Crazy and intimidating amongst the most common.
I am single and enjoying it. I have had several good relationships in my life, several bad and a lot of nighties.
I like myself. I came to the conclusion that myself being the only important person as far as I care, myself is also the only person I need to please.

I wear metal band t shirts or hoodies and a lot of leather coats and jackets( always good, do not need ironing, practical).
Luckily, no one gets phased at work if I appear in "concert attire", so take advantage of that. One of the many perks.
I don't wear makeup ... because it is far too fussy of a thing for me to bother with.
I have not had a haircut in almost 5 years...because it's a stupid thing to do. MY hair always ends up looking the same, and with it all equally long I can just tie it up in a pony tail and out of the fucking way.

I have a few friends. I don't go out. I have never been on a "date" in my life, and I am the better for it.
Life is good.

stupid, stupid people

2010-11-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

You know the movie "The sixth sense"? with the little boy that could see the ghosts? I fucking know how he felt.
I SEE STUPID PEOPLE.
THEY'RE EVERYFUCKING WHERE
AND SOME OF THEM
THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THEY'RE STUPID

This is even more true now, with the unavoidable shadow of Christmas looming closely and threateningly over every thing.
Look, to each his own. I am willing to respect anyone's religion and beliefs for as long as they don't try to impose them on me, ok? Please don't fucking try to save me. I have enough problems with keeping myself in a non homicidal state, I do not fucking NEED additional provocation. Deal?
In exchange, I promise to ignore your dumb ass. I will not make rude comments to your religion, I will not challenge your superficial knowledge of the Bible, because guess what motherfucker: I have read the Bible, and the Talmud, and the Quran. And I also happen to have a good memory, so please, do not make me humiliate you. It's already hard as it is.

Now, I have a tough hide. Seriously. I grew up in an abusive family, I have been sexually abused, I had to care for a mentally ill mother from age 12. I( have been poor, ill and I am a fucking immigrant. I can take whatever the world can throw at me, chew it up and spit it the fuck out. I mean it.
However, I did come very close to hitting one dumb person today. That person is a work colleague, and the only reasons for not punching her were:

I fucking like the job I have as of now. Ok, it is far beneath the intelectual level of anyone with 3 neurons, but it fucking PAYS WELL. I have a university to finish ( for the second time, the assholes in England do not recognise my diploma as being valid), I have to live , go to concerts and buy pretty gadgets (oh my new Blackberry,how I love thee).
She's heavily pregnant. I would not want the kids to come out retarrded- being that they will be coming out of that thing is enough of a handicap.

What did she do, you'll ask? well, she fucking mocked me. DUMB FUCKING BITCH! I made the mistake of telling her that I planned to use about £200 for buying some baby clothes for the orphanage in my hometown in Romania, and a TV set for an old people's home, and she fucking sneered at me and said "how ... giving".
FUCK YOU
Yes I did say that to her.
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.
I am sorry sweetheart, not everyone on the fucking planet is a selfish SOB. I know you have been doing well all of your fucking blonde life. I know that You just came back from maternity leave 4 months ago to go back again on maternity leave next month, on my fucking taxes. I know that you don't have two neurons worth rubbing together. I also know that it is illegal to kill people just because they have shoe sizes larger than their intelects.
Ok, I did not say that to her.
Wish I could, but I fucking need my job for another10 months.
Why doesit seem so strange to give to charity? look fuckers, you don't fucking know what it is like to be POOR. I know you won't give anyone anythign because you are a pathetic consumerist ass, but don't you fucking mock me ever again, you pathetic excuse of a human being!!!!!!
Ok, I vented.

In other news...
I see the stupid American elected representafuckers have managed to renew the Violence Against Women Act.
Yes, I live in fucking England. Yes I am Romanian, but I am a fucking human being, and also a feminist( all smart people are. Fuck you).
For me the fact that the richest country in the world is treating its female half like shit isjust sickening.
It wa smainly the reason why I started my frminist group over at Care2 http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/bnw , but either I am not doing something right or just people don't get it. I need to put more work into it.
I love those ladies. they are cool. BUT just saying "patriarchy is bad" is not gonna change a fucking thing. Seriously. I started it thinking I could find women to whom I can relate and can actually walk the walk instead of just talking the talk. I don't know.
I have noticed it before: a lot of people think that talking about things over the net qualifies as "action". It does not. Get the fuck out of your house.
Do tangible things. Go to a march. Write a letter to one of your elected assfuckers. Pass on flyers. Donate money if you are too fucking lazy to do it yourself.
Look, I am busy too, OK? I work full time. I have a business that needs to be taken care of. I study. I live on 5 hours of sleep per night, and I only get "time off" when I am too fucking sick to go to work or do anything rather than just lay in bed whining.

Xmasizing and such

2010-10-08T15:20:00.000-07:00

My Blackberry, my pretty hand help PC/Phone and new God has arrived !! It's shiny! It has 10,000 options for me to play with!! Ok, I don't have a contract for it yet, but next week:)
I love gadgets. This one has been bough less for pleasure and more because I need to be able to get better customer support to my customers. The company has grown, It is making a nifty profit, but between me and the ever helpful Nick, the customer support sometimes gets slightly delayed.
Look, my company is important to me. I built it myself. I have over 1000 customers. It's been makingprofit from teh first month. Not big profit, but it's GOOD STUFF!!
My dream is to make it big enough to not have to work for someone else anymore. I hate people. They suck ass. Most of them. I do not like their company, so please stay the fuck out of my way. As of now I have to interact with people at work. I do not like this I want to only interact with people I choose to interract with.
One can only wish.

Ok, we made the Christmas tree. Now, I am a conscious Atheist and Nick is fairly Agnostic, but a Christmas tree is a pretty thignto have. WE got a small one and wedecorated it with coloured lights, aubles and tinsel. the poor tree looks like a painted wet turkey, but that is beyond the point. It's shiny and it has something optimistic about it.
Chritmas shopping? meh
Ok, I bought things for me. I deserve them. I also bought presents for Nick (only because he buys me presents too) and good food for Shandy and for yours truly.
Christmas dinner... what the hell I don't know. I do not cook, and the Christmas dinner will essentially be me and Nick watching movies and laughing like the assholes that we are.

multiculturalism

2010-08-13T15:20:00.000-07:00

I live in a multicultural city. I love the hell out of it. I see people from all over the fucking world living together and respecting each other's cultural quirks, and that makes me happy. Within 5 minutes walking distance from my flat there are an evangelical church, a ChineseChristian church, and Indian temple and a sikh gurdwara. 15 minutes away there is a big mosque :).
I am going out to the shops. I will say hello to the greek family that makes teh best fucking pizza in the world ( veggie pizza with mushrooms, olives, plenty of onions, cheese and pineapple). Next to them, the shop I buy my drinks (orange juice you assholes) from is ran by an Iranian couple. My ususal taxi driver is a traditional muslim all decked in the traditional attire. I met him and his wife at supermarkets far away because they are cheaper and we talked.
I like talking to people. OK, most people are stupid. I hate stupid people. But there are a lot of people out there that are not stupid, even if they may or may not know about Schroedinger's cat.
My favourite work colleague is a black social worker who explained to me a lot about the afre caribbean culture. I like it that she is so proud of it.
Do you know what all these people have in common? All of them?
They all hate the war in Iraq and GWB.
We talk about it. We see it as a waste of money and human lives. You see, Leicester is a big city. It is very hard to hate the muslims when your next door neighbour, the person you talk about weather and mail and sales in Jackson's with is muslim.
However, I have met people in this area that approve of the Iraq war. They all have something in common: they are white, anglo saxon, from small communities, medium educated and racistor mildly racist. My ex mother in law who was so upset that an Indian family moved on her street because "they make those smelly curries and stink up the neighbourhood"- dumb bitch!.
A company I worked 3 weeks for which had a percentage of 99% white employees. Now, thisis a problem. You see, in leicester you can't possibly have 99% white employees by accident. The county is one of the most ethnically diverse in England... so how come??
Seriously, how come??
Well, you see, herein lays the problem. the company is a small family company that evolved over some 30 years. It is located into a remote corner of the county ( an hour ride by bus)... No non white people in any offices. No non white people in the management, not even bloody one.
Jokes aimed at me about "foreigners". The only non white staff are 3 loading dockers.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Isn't that reeking of racism??
Oh yes it does.

There are various types of racism. Mild racism is the one that manifests mostly. You see, people do not want to beclassified as racists. They don't understand that racism starts in the brain. Your own fucking brain.
Just because you say hello to your non white coworker, that does not make you a non racist.
just because you eat curry that does not make you a non racist.
A non racist is someone that does not care if the doctor, neighbour, coworker is of a different skin colour.
There are few completely non racist white people in England.
fortunately, the law is very tough on discrimination. Like they know that the native Brits don't really like us foreigners.
But I have been to a Diwali parade some week ago and it made me happy. It brought tears to my eyes that thes epeople were proud of themselves and cerebrating their traditions and uniqueness.
I have been to the black culture festival this summer, here in te park that's 10 minutes away from me, and that made me happy too.
White Engl;ish people only have football games.
and deep down I think tehy are envying our heritages.

the fucking pain... and such

2010-06-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

I am urrently facing the most painful feeling known to man or mouse, namely the "annaesthethics running off after a gruesome trip to the dentist" feeling.
Do not get me wrong, my dentist is a brilliant guy. He is smart, good looking, funny and cheap. He is also making sense of the awfulness caused to my teeth by years living in a Romanian town with bad water. He always makes sure that I get a lot of the good stuff so that when he's poking and prosing in my mouth by extracting stuff and playing with drills, i don't feel a fucking thing.
For which I am very grateful. JD, i salute you, your pretty wife, your very clean surgery and may your bank account rise to high heaven.
problem is, the nice drugs wear the fuck off( 4 hours later mind you), and that is when I am starting to feel a bit funny.
Did i tell you the guy is a genius? Yes I did. He is. IN 20 minutes he pulled a tooth out and drilled another one andput in a filling that FUCKING FITS and does not hurt.
Even a temp filling he put in 2 months ago fits and works like it is the actual tooth.
Very smart SOB.

But now the pain is excruciating, so I am writing this down to try to co-erce the pain away. This and some self-suggestion always works.

In other news...SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
good news are falling on me.
First:
prepare yourselves
this shall be fun
it's unbelievable

I GOT MY GOOD CREDIT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, I miht be a mous, and a fully sociopath mouse while at it, but I pay my fucking bills. And credit card. I do not like owing a fucking dime to anyone!!
However
in the noble year 2003, some asshole telemarketer tricked me into giving her my home address. You see, I was new to England, and in Germany telemarketing is not as ruthless.
the bitch told me that i won a fucking mobile phone, and I swallowed it...hook, line and sinker.
Or to translate a Romanian joke: got the carrot in my ass. And the rabbit, and the hunter.And the hunter's dog.

Ok,so I caught up before she ended her pitch and told her that I did not want a mobile phone.
She still sent the shit. I kept getting bills for it. I wrote to Orange( to whom the phone was on contract with). Nothing. I kept receiving bills for a phone I did not even take out of the fucking box. then debt collection agencies.
I kept writing... nothing.
Filed a complaint with the citizens advice bureau...nothing.
left the phone in the custody of the Police...
no result.
Orange kept demanding I pay for the fucking thing then take it with teh telemarketing company.

well, guess what
last week, me being sick with the stomach bug that's going around here( the "puke and shit stinky water" bug), I called Orange. And... I got through to someone who told me that all I had to do to get rid of that shit( appearing on my credit report as a defaulted loan), was to send them a fucking letter( 20th mind you) and describe all it happened.
The very helpful person- Debby, may she get all she wants giftwise this Christmas, gave me a fax number and today i got a FUCKING LETER STATING THAT I AM HOME FREE AND THE SHIT WILL BE REMOVED FROM MY CREDIT REPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I am also getting £700 in tax returns in the next two weeks.
Great day!!

Otherwise... same old shit.

In other news, girlpower( via salon's broadsheet) have decided to hlp everyone's self confidence by showing how the pretty pics in the magazines are made

MY hell

2010-02-02T15:18:00.000-08:00

Any Christians trying to save me. Not everyone buys your shit.
Circle I Limbo

Militant Vegans. If veganism was good vegans would not need vitamins and supplements to be healthy.
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

PETA Members. Have you ever heard about evolution, asshats?
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Creationists. How stupid can you get??
Circle IV Rolling Weights

The Pope
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

American Republicans. You ididots are destroying your country.
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Tony Blair. YOu idiot carried us into a horrible war on my taxes. Too bad, because otherwise you have been good for Britain. Grow a fucking spine
Circle VII Burning Sands

George Bush. Idiotic puppet
Circle VIII Immersed in Excrement

Romanian ExPresident Ion Iliescu. This asshole has stolen our revolution and had over 1000 people killed so that he can become president. When the youth of Romania was peacefully proyesting his actions, he called the coal miners in Bucharest and asked them to beat the hell out of the protesters. many have dies and many have been maimed for life. Die, asshole!
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

To explain

relationship or lack thereof

2009-11-13T15:18:00.000-08:00

yes, this is a post about Nick and our relationship, or lack thereof. I know, it might seem pretty pathetic that we're still living together, one month and a half after splitting as a couple.
Well,it's hard to explain. It is difficult to explain the bizarrery of the situation.
We split up after a pretty good 7 months relationship. It was Nick's initiative, and I cannot blame himor hate him for what was a good decision.
We split up because Nick does not love me. It does not really make sense to stay in a relationship that does not have a future, and I would lie if I would say that I was not aware of it. It was looming at the evry end of my consciousness and made me nervous and uncomfortable despite it being a very good relationship.
How was it a good relationship if he did not love me ? well, it's an interesting question.
You know how a lot of couples find that, aside from the love/physical attraction thing, they had nothing in common? We are the complete opposite.
We are good friends, and more than that. To diagnose it, we have everything that makes a great relationship... apart from love.
basically our relationship existed on two levels: the couple part , that was working so and so, and the friendship part that was working perfectly.
It was weird, and it still is. But at the end of it, we ended a relationship tat wasn't quite going anywhere, and we still have a very good friendship.
And yes, splitting up was a good thing.
No, i do not want us to get back together. Nick as a friend is all I need for now, and it makes me happy. Seriously.
You see, being in a relationship is not good for me. My creativity needs to be unleashed, and me being romantically involved it dampens the creativity part.
I need to be left to my own devices in order to thrive. I am a free being by nature. I have learned a lot this year. It is hard to acknowledge this, but not everyone is made to be coupled. I am one of the people who are not.
I am glad i found this out. It opened a lot of things about my life that I was not aware of.
I spent a lot of time trying to find that romance thing that was somewhat pushed onto all people by the bizarre preachings of the love fundamentalists. That everyone should have LOOOOVE in order to be happy and that no single person can be complete and full.
Dear LOVE FUNDAMENTALISTS

FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!!

I have wasted a lot of time in my life by looking for the ellusive romance. I have wasted a lot of time and resources and potential by hunting something that, guess what, it is NOT GOOD FOR ME.
No one fuckign told me. No one tells us that we don't all have to dwindle into the land of happy couplehood. That life as it is does not involve, you know... coupling.
That maybe some people are made for something better than having babies and walking hand in hand.
I have learned a lot of things. A lot of these things have been learned in the past year.
I like myself. I like my weirdness and my unusualness. I like my creativity and feistness and aggressivity.
I like ME.
And do not need anyone to feel complete.
All of the relationships I have ever had have been very restrictive on my resources. No relationship can fulfill me, because I can fulfill myself better.

I am happy for this discovery.
I am a full person.